Thursday, 26 June 2008 / 8:12 pm
confessions of a kakorrhaphiophobic
I was on my knees .Tears streaked down my cheeks and I found it hard to breathe. Everyone was crowding around me with their eyes fixed on me. It was embarassing and I was seething with anger. My coach asked me if I was alright and whether I wanted to go to the toilet. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, i went into the largest cubicle out of the three to force myself to cry all the tears out. I went back , my coach asked me to sit at one side as I was too stressed up. I fought against the anger surging within and forced a stiff smile onto my face. I wanted to play.
I can’t resist not playing, I wanted to prove. I wanted to prove to the others that I can play. I tried again,again, and again, My hardwork was in vain. It was hopeless, I was quaking with terror,hoping against hope that I can play.
When i was at home, i sat by the window and stared at the cauliflower clouds that were boiling up. They were going to cry for me, my sorrows. Badminton is my one and only sport that i can ever care so much for. If i could not prove myself in the upcoming tornament, all my hardwork,sweat and pain will be gone to waste. I will be doing the best i can tomorrow.Asorb all of these in suckers .
Well seems like it was done a day before the competition itself .
Looking back , seeing myself talking crap really makes me laugh .
I cant understand why im addicted to badminton so much .
Now i just dont feel the same .
Actually ive just got a lot of things to say ,
but i dont think i can actually say it out here .
It doesnt seem like a 'personal diary' ,
people just judge you from what you write .
Right now this instant, there might be some freak thinking im some sort of bitch that is desperate for attention & all .
Well, go fuck the wall if you think that way .
I've got more then enough attention, usually negative .
Anyway im just saying all this cause i want to & i feel like it .
I'm like a loyal person feeling backstabbed & i dont know why .
I dont care if im on the team or not .
But my oh so big reaction make you all wonder otherwise .
Starting to get confusing eh ?
So now you start asking yourself whether this woman is saying this or that .
To stop placing you in a delima ,
i laugh at myself for how stupid i was before .
I still love badminton .
Not the one teaching it .
I know if i dont like it , i dont have to go for the training .
I dont bear any grugdes against anyone .
Im happy .
I feel tons of regret .
I feel a great many things that are hard to say .
(;
Sick for 2 days , very cool ^^
Got to escape hell
was elated ~
Hah !
I woke up when you all were having recess .
Shiokkkk~
Sadly im going back to school tommorow .
& SHITSTHISTHISTHIISTHISTHISTSHIT .
I havent got my report book signed .
Im like in fucking dipshit now .
Looks like ive got to bear with the pain physically .
No computer & ouch T.T
Watched Ah Long pte lt , was lolish .
Then watched Horton was stupid .
Then Superhero movie , even more stupid .
Later watching Kung Fu Dunk (: .
